Just be nice

Hello,  I have been busy and have not written in the blog for some time now.  I wanted to talk about the use of positive emotion and interaction with others in our lives.  Why do we do what we do,  and when do we learn the lessons that will keep us from making similar mistakes in life.  One thing many people do is allow their emotions to overcome their logic thought.  I can think of so many situations  where it was apparent  the Hypothalamus and not the Prefrontal cortex was in the clients brain was more active.  The hypothalamus is  the part of the brain controlling emotional responses,  where the Prefrontal cortex is implicated in a variety of complex behaviors, including planning.  Both parts of the brain do more than I mentioned but the point is many times people approach the situation from an emotional response and not a logical thought-out process.

Positive emotion and interaction with others is a choice.  We choose to be nice to others, we choose to say hurtful words, and choose to ignore  or stonewall others.  We make choices on a daily basis  for  positive or negative interactions.  Think about your life.  Are you choosing to be kind? Or are you choosing to be negative toward others?   Look at the relationships you have with people, if they feel supportive,  if they feel happy and productive then maybe you are have a positive interaction.   However ,when you have an issue with different people and if your relationships seem like they take a lot of work without happiness then many be they are more negative.  If you fall into the secondary category, I want to help you  out.  You  can come to my practice and we can work on things. This is another way.  You can start being nice to people.  Smile at them, compliment them, find a reason to ask about their day.  Show respect even when others have not earned it.  These are ways you can begin to develop positive interactions with others.   Until next time  be nice to people.

Time to fish?

The feeling of vulnerability  is one we all share at some points in our lives  and the feeling can come from nowhere at times.  Toady is one of those days  for me.  The day started off simple and exciting  preparing to go out for the day.  Today I was going to practice some self-care which I write about  in this blog often.  I was going to go fishing with my son and the day was off to a great start.  All we had to do was get  ready to pack the truck and head out.  I had to re string the lines first, and then set the poles up, grab the tackle, net, and ice chest then get ready to head out.   I made sure everything was  ready to go  loaded up and we were off.  We were headed to the bait shop to get a few supplies such as live bait and some drinks.  My son as usual,  was asking me to buy everything under the sun.  So  as I was focusing on him,  getting drinks, and putting all the stuff he was dragging off the shelves other plans were being made for us.  This was setting up to be a normal fishing day for us.

After paying for the items we were leaving the store in order to put the drinks in the truck where we would then go to the bait shop section of the store.  As I approached my truck, I noticed my tailgate was down.  When I went to the tail gate to see why it was down, I immediately noticed my tackle box was missing!!  Now if you are not familiar with what a tackle box is , its important.  That is the storage for all the gear I will need in order to fish.  When fishing, one will need many different tools and aids depending on the type of fish you are trying to catch or when your pole needs adjustments and you need to change gear and bait to have a successful catch.  This one selfish action from someone made the entire trip come to an end.  I spent years building my tackle and in one short minute it was gone. Inside of the box was  gear from relatives, I had knives and other expensive tools, among hooks and other stuff.    Not to mention  I had to explain to my son why we were going back home instead of going to fish.  The fact is we are all vulnerable and we never know how we are going to react when we experience it.   My son and I  will be fine and I will get a little bit of tackle at a time in order to rebuild.

The human condition is one that interest me and is much of the reason  I truly enjoy being a therapist.  As I write this, I am trying to understand what the person who stole my stuff needed the tackle for.   Were they in need of fishing gear so much to feed their family?  I’m not sure about that.  I’m  willing to bet  it was just some asshole who wanted to steal something because they are an asshole.  The way I see it is once the cameras at the store are reviewed, we will learn more about who the person is. At that time I will be able to have something to go off of in order to retrieve my stuff.  The lesson here is not to allow myself to stress and worry about the things I can not change.  I will gather more equipment over time and I will still continue to fish as I get more tackle.  This blog is not as much as learning but more of informing that some people will steal anything they can for the sake of stealing.  Write me with your stories of thieves and how did your story end?

Free time are you using it?

What are you doing during your free time these days?  I hove noticed in my practice many people have trouble finding time for leisure during  off hours from work or their daily duties if they don’t have formal employment.  I am an advocate to relax, take time to have fun, and spend time doing what is important for you and your family.  For some people it’s spending time outdoors such as hiking, fishing, camping, walking the dog,  playing with the kids, or whatever else helps to find relaxation and rejuvenation.  For other people experiencing  special events such as sports or theater or simply  visiting family and friends is the key.  However, many people simply do not take  time to allow their human batteries to recharge.  I have spoken to many people who choose to go non-stop and do it under the idea that they need to be productive and not waste time.  I usually smile and nod then ask them if they are serious.

A serious problem in our nation and communities is we all too often devalue the benefits of rest and relaxation.   This is especially true in the business community.  So many people are consumed with getting ahead and advancing their careers,  trying to have the next new gadget, or fad item.   Being successful and getting ahead in life is not a bad thing in my opinion.  However, when  getting ahead at the expense of the health and family relationships; are you really getting ahead?   I have personally witnessed the decline of people who dedicated  so much time and effort to a company only to ruin one’s health.  Having pride in one’s work is a great thing.  At the same time if that person is not able to recuperate from the stress and  pressure, will the business notice?  In my experiences  bosses, owners, supervisors, whomever is in charge will not step in until there is a negative impact on the business.  Is it reasonable to expect  businesses  to notice how long someone is working and tell them to slow down and get rest?  I know if the employee is being paid by the hour the business notices!!  However when paid a set salary no,  the expectation is typically for the employee to work longer  hours each day from my experiences.

Let’s take the approach we cannot expect the employers to step in and tell the worker to take care of their health.  This decision up to each person and only you know your limits.   According to surveys done over the past year only 23% of employees are using their entire eligible vacation  time.  The survey also reported on average an 66% of employees report they regularly work on vacations.  Technology makes this possible to responded to emails and other correspondence in place of focusing on the moment.   Employees reported the average they use  only 54% of their earned vacation time.   What this means is only you are responsible  to ensure you are getting the opportunity to recharge your body.  Why leave your earned vacation time behind?    Each one of us are setting the examples for our kids, families and peers.  By taking vacation or time off  you can use that as an opportunity  to participate in activities that will help you find focus, relax, and ensure your health is being honored and respected.  Plus you don’t need to wait for vacation to recharge.  Use weekends, days off, or even your lunch break to sit back and breath. On a side note get away from your desk if you have one because you need to get away from the stress and the phones and the computers.   I have written about the benefits of meditation and breathing exercise in other blogs.  Simply find what makes you feel better and do it.  As long as you can be honest with yourself and truly feel  relaxed then have fun.   Now its time for me to go enjoy myself.


Robbed plain and simple

Today’s blog is addressing overcoming anger,  frustration, and grief.  If you are not a fan of American Football then you may not know what I’m  referring to.  However, most of the country witnessed the collapse of the integrity of the NFL.  The New Orleans Saints were robbed of the game that would have sent them to the Superbowl.  So if you did not guess by now, I was and maybe still am angry.  I’m also frustrated as this was as obvious  a problem as can ever be in the history of the game.  So if you are like me, I still have a family to take care of so I need to get come to acceptance and start to live life until next season.  So I ask what event or situation has had you so upset  that you could not get over it the same night.

Anger is a secondary emotion and the primary could be hurt, sadness, pain, or others. In the case of the fans of the Saints;  it’s a sense of being wronged or injustice being done in front of the entire world.  People have different ways of dealing with their pain. Some  fans yell, some cry, others throw the tv out the door as we see on social media at times.   I did some yelling last night, maybe more than a little, I complained to my wife most of the night, then I just laid down and listened to the local Saints talk radio until I fell asleep.  I woke up and listened to more radio as I think there is healing in knowing I am having the same or similar feelings as the rest of the community.  For me writing this is helping, plus I did a meditation which allowed me to start the day off feeling rested and ready to face the emotions of the day.  No matter what has got you upset or out of sorts there is no one way to deal with the emotions.

There are some things we do that are not helpful to getting over anger.  Sometimes we might lash out at others, we might throw things which won’t help, or we might drink or even do drugs to cope with the pain of hurt or disappointment.  If the examples above are how you cope, then maybe you are not going to allow yourself  to process the emotions you are feeling.  Therefore maybe you can try to breathe in and out for a few minutes, you can talk with others who experienced the same events,  go on a run or walk, take a hot shower, or go to bed for the night.  If you can’t get past the anger or frustration after a day or two, I think you could benefit from taking to a professional.   As for me I will be fine, I have paused a number of times while writing this blog.   I am no longer  angry, I am more in disbelief that the game ended the way it did.  I hope you all have a great day and I would love to hear your stories about this Game or other events where you had an emotional response.



Relationships: how do we leave them?

Today’s blog will explore the ways  in which people end relationship.  Imagine your last relationship where you did not want to continue it?  If you can remember this you’re not alone!!  The fact is many people begin and end relationships every day.  Whether it’s a friendship, a marriage, a partnership, the relationship with parents, business relationships, or with anyone else,  there’s many different ways to participate in this very delicate dance.  Exceptions do apply,  such as someone dies, or there is violence in the relationship and someone does not  feel safe ending it.  What I’m addressing today is relationships that we choose to leave for one reason or another and don’t tell the other person.

Think about the last relationship you ended.  How did you end the relationship?  Did you tell them you were ending it,  did you just walk away, did you text them;  did you just leave the relationship in suspension and never communicated this to them?  What happens if you bump into them,  do you address it at that time or act as if nothing happened?  I have notice in my sessions when someone doesn’t realize how to end relationship many people  just simply walk away without a word.  When we walk away what do we lose, what do we gain,  what’s the impact of that action long-term?  What are the patterns we adopt,  what are we teaching ourselves or those in our lives?  Who taught you how to react  in relationships?  Those are some of the questions we need to answer for ourselves.

I often talk about relationships in my sessions and I have seen some very interesting patterns.  Learning to  navigate our way through relationships is challenging and there’s no one wrong or correct way to do it; however there are more effective and healthier ways.  When relationships are not given closure the parties involved have not satisfied the need to have finality. They may experience lingering thoughts or what if’s and even regret for said or unsaid words which may come back to haunt them.  Most of us have relationships with friends in high school, some are more significant than others, sometimes they just fall apart because we move, go off to college, get married, whatever case and other relationships could last a life time.  Take a moment to consider a significant relationship you had.  What happened to those relationships in your life?  Are those relationships still active and enjoyable? If that’s the case for you then good on you!!  However If you did not continue the relationship did it end naturally?  Did a negative event happen that made you decide not to pursue or continue the relationship any longer?   Have you maintained the relationship or chose to partake in selective contact,  because they’ve always been there although you might not have anything in common anymore?  Now, consider those relationships that were just left undone or that ended due to a negative event.  What happens if you run into the person or people in public or at a social event?  Does it make it awkward, does it make it exciting or scary, are you then ready to leave the event to avoid the situation?  Are you afraid  you might need to face the reality how the relationship ended and how you contributed to the ending?

Be truthful and state your needs and feelings is one strategy to prevent a breakdown in your relationships.  Talk to the people involve and listen to them to understand their perspective and allow them to hear your perspectives.  When  you are not satisfied with the direction a relationship is headed or has ended up it is more effective  to address that in place of avoidance.   Spending the time to have hard conversations can be extremely tough and a stress relief at the same time.  My advice is having the hard conversations today to avoid life long regrets.  A tough 20 min conversation can save you years of worry or distress.

Worry, Stress and WHO DAT!!

“Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today.  It’s already tomorrow in Australia.”   Charles Shultz, Cartoonist .   I wanted to start this blog off with a quote that reminds us that life truly moves on.  It is our perspective that can either help us move on or stay stuck in whatever mud that has grips onto our lives.  When we worry and stress over things  that we have no control over, we then  experience  the negative impacts from the stress, worry, and anxiety without the option to change it.  Now if you have control over the situation, then make the arrangements and plans in order to change the situation instead of stressing and worrying about this problem.     It’s really that simple!!

I want you to consider your brain for a moment.  Think about your brain in the context of your tolerance for wine or beer.  When you begin to stress out, have anxiety, whatever you  call it; you set a standard baseline for what you are able to handle.  For example; as you worry about your relationship you set your baseline stress level.   However, this baseline does not always remain the same.  As you worry about your problem your level of stress goes up; then, once you solve or complete the issue,  the stress level decreases back to the base line level.  The next occurrence of a stress event you again set a new higher baseline.  The process of worrying and solving the problem continues and once the stress level settles down; however  the new higher baseline is the standard  not the lower original one.  Unlike with beer and wine where the more your drink the more you need to drink in order to get the same effect.  Stress, & your “tolerance” to control the anxiety lowers each time the baseline increases.  Therefore you are beginning your day with higher stress levels than you did in past days.  What does this mean?  Simply put, your tolerance for handling stress effectively decreases and the same small things that once did not bother you  may begin to have a greater impact on you.

As you continue to experience the flight, fight, or freeze response your sympathetic nervous system (SNS)  in your body will to feel the stress burden and over time becoming  overwhelmed faster.  The more often your SNS works overtime  your chances for stroke and other health concerns will increase.  When this happens you are  increasing the chances of higher blood pressure and even heart failure.  As you can see compromising your health  is not worth all the stress and worry.  As I wrote in past blogs,  decreasing stress and increasing self-care is a vital part of your health.  I cannot encourage you enough to take your stress and anxiety levels serious and work to monitoring them throughout  every day.  Simply  ask yourself “ How am I feeling at this moment”.  If the  answer is not what you want then to do something about it.   Worrying without action is going to kill you someday.

As for me,  today my Beloved New Orleans Saints are playing against the Eagles in the playoffs.  I will work to decrease my blood pressure and stress as the game goes on. I am confident the Saints will win and we will be on the way to the Superbowl.   I will end this blog with a big WHO DAT!!

Self-care what is it really

Self-care is a big buzz word in the world of therapy and the helping professions.  I hear the word tossed around at meetings and networking events all the time.   What does it mean to the average person going to work, coming home and living day by day?   What does it mean to the people who are charged with caring for others, and how is it implemented by different people?   Well the good news is that self-care is a one-word summary that means  you need to put your needs first sometimes  and take care of yourself.  Otherwise you won’t be successful to care for yourself or others when they need you.

Being a father, husband, therapist, friend, coach, business owner, and any other roles I take on, if I was not practicing good healthy self-care, I’m not sure how long I could endure.  I talk about self-care often in session because of the importance to its application in life.  I ask the question “what do you do for self-care”  I often get a puzzled look and the responses  vary from I take my kids to school, I don’t have time, sometimes people laugh at me and ask, “what is free time”?   For those who have not met me, you may not know;  I am  not the person who will beat around the bush very often, and I am typically very direct and I make direct statements that I feel  needs to be said.  I’m not disrespectful, and I am transparent and get directly to the point.    So when I get these looks or comments, I simply look at the person and may say something to the effect “this could be  why you  feel the way you do”. I usually ask the self-care question followed up with “ what are you willing to change in your life because just talking to a therapist won’t solve shit without action.”

Let’s now talk about creating  a plan of  action.  You have to find activities, books, sayings, anything  which will be productive to helping you feel recharged.   Self-care is about restoring balance in your life and allowing you to feel refreshed and anew.  If you get enjoyment from it and is not a hindrance to your health do it!!    For me I have several ways to recharge my cells and my mind.  So if you are thinking “ I will drink wine for self-care” yes, you could in theory; however I would ask is this  sustainable without being a hindrance to your health?   For me, I  meditate most days between  15 to 60 mins per day.  I go fishing as much as I can,  I coach sports.  Being around the energy of the kids helps me refocus and just enjoy being in the moment.  I spend time with my wife without the kids around.   I added this blog as a way for me to clear my thoughts and share my experiences with the readers.  My self-care keeps me focused on  the here and now and allows me to immerse myself in the moment.  So often we find ourselves looking toward the next day, to next few hours, or to next week.  Being present in the moment is a commitment I have made to myself so I can enjoy each  moment and day.  I find I get more enjoyment when I am concentrating on what I am currently doing and only that  during that time frame.  Then once its over I can look to the next thing/ activity in my life.

Whatever you choose to do for self-care I want you to enjoy it and make it a practice worth keeping.  So,  if you want to have that glass of wine to wind down,  that’s fine, as long as you have other strategies as well.  Meditation  is about controlling the breath and it does not  have to be complicated.  There are so many different apps to use which  help with learning.  If you enjoy writing , start a journal,  going on a walk, spend time with loved ones or friends.  As long as you feel better once you are finished the activity.   I wish you all well in your self-care journey.  Drop me a message telling me what you do. Maybe it can help me or others.  If I get responses, I can do a follow up to this blog with those ideas.  Enjoy your day.


Timing in life


Today blog is centered around timing in life.  What factors do you use when making decision?   When do you act on something, when do you change directions, when do you wait, or when you do nothing? For each person timing seems to take major consideration in their decision-making process.  Whether you are considering having a child or children,  want to change careers, change relationships, start school,  get married or divorced  timing play a major role.  I have had people tell me ”we can’t get married until we finish school” or “We can’t  have kids until I do  ______ fill  in the blank.   It seems I have been helping patients  face those listed challenges  over the course of time  among others and the common denominator in all their decisions is timing.   Timing is important,  however the way I hear it used most times is the timing is not right to make changes I really want to make.

Do we use timing as a way to not take chances and risk?   The saying “timing is everything” does have truth some to  it right?  I say yes, and at the same time I feel we make the correct time by the amount of preparation we accomplish.   Picture yourself wanting to grow grass in the dirt or clay filled field. You could just throw some type of grass seed out there and hope for the best.  Maybe you will have some grass in places. It might not look very nice, it might be uneven, or you could get lucky and have a field full of lush green grass.  The last option would be great, but not as likely.  Now if you take the time to bring in rich soil, make the ground level, use a lawn aerator, use the proper seeds for your area of the county and season of the year  then your chances  will increase to having your beautiful and lush lawn.   The same applies to our lives and the time we take to prepare for upcoming changes we want.

Weather you are considering working on your relationship and considering attending therapy,  taking a trip of a life time, moving to a new town,  having kids, or working up the motivation start a new career, or even to leave a marriage or relationship,  preparation is just as important as timing.  To answer the question I posed above,  do we say “ the timing is wrong”  as a way to not take chances and risk?   I say the answer is yes for most people. I have learned that many people become comfortable with being uncomfortable and they tell themselves doing the status quo is ok for now.  From my experience as a therapist  people have this sense that as we get older thing will be better and we will eventually be happier, less depressed, I’ll move up in the company,  the marriage will improve as the kids get older and the reasons go on and on.

Getting older does not mean you will improve in life or that any of the challenges in your life will dissipate.   Yes, maybe you  will have more money as you get older because your living expenses might decrease;  but it did not change due to age, it changed because you paid down the amount owed.  You prepared yourself by buying earlier in life. We are not promised a long life and none of us know when we will depart this life.  Therefore waiting for the right timing could mean we wait too long and never accomplish  what we desire.  As I close out this blog today, I want you to consider the following.  If you don’t know when the timing will be too late, how much longer will you wait to make the changes you want to make in your life?


Music to my Ears.


I love the sound of music especially as I work on charts, billing, emails, and other preparations needed to run a successful practice.  In between therapy sessions it is very common to see me with ear buds on listening to music.  As I write this, I am listening to my latest obsession, which is Postmodern Jukebox.  I love the pieces they put together. The song I’m hearing now is  “ perfect duet” by PMJ.  I really enjoy most of their artist especially Haley R.  I doubt they read my blog however,  I can smile forever with the correct music.  In fact, I use music as a way to clear my mind and just zone out the noise of the world.  Music to me is greater than any pharmaceutical.  Today is a real test for my music as a relaxation and calming tool.  I had two people call to cancel their appointment today. One was about 10 mins before the appointment started. The other gave about 60 minutes notice.  I don’t get upset when someone cancels;  however I do want advance notice because I spend time preparing for their session.


      When working with patients I often ask what types of music they listen to or enjoy.  Questions like these  gives me a baseline of the amount of time they spend listening to music,  but more importantly how much time they spend doing something they enjoy.  It shows a level of self-care.  You would be surprised how much I can learn from someone based on the music they listen to.  Sometimes I am very surprised at what’s in someone’s play list,  as it might not exactly match their personality.  However,  for most people their music does match what they are going through in their life at that time.  In my case, I am so very in love with my wife of 16 years and a lot of the music I listen to is upbeat with a message of love and togetherness.  I have so much hope for the future I’m excited for the great experiences I will have with her and our kids in the future.  I think the music is a major reason I am able to talk about other people’s problems all day, as it helps me reset for the next patient.


    My wish for you is that you find value and relaxation from music as different songs and artist can make great and lasting impressions on you and your perception of your life.  When I was in the Army I would listen to hard rock or Rap before our Physical fitness test to get me pumped up.  Or anytime I go to a wedding I need to hear “Blueberry Hill” by Fats Domino as my grandparents would dance to that song.  Hearing it bring me back to a time when they were around the family.  Should you find the world around you too chaotic I implore you to find some music that talks to you and your soul and helps you block out the world.  In fact I read somewhere that listening to the same  music you did when you were younger can make you experience the same energy level you had back then.  So if you go to the gym or work out,  put on the music you listened to  when you were 18 or 19-year-old when you work out.  I would be willing to bet on average, you may have more energy and stamina than you would otherwise.  

     If you want to try an experiment, I will help you out. I want you to ask yourself daily at different times  how are you feeling on a scale 1-10,  ten is the best. Then listen to a few  songs  you enjoy then answer the question  again.  I would be willing to bet your mood increases with the music.  As for me writing this, my  music listening  has moved on to Alicia Keys and John Mayer duet.  I could never get my voice that high but she does a great job at it.   Until next time,  let the beat keep you moving!! 

Consistency and clear expectations

Happy Monday to those who are reading this Blog.  Today I will address the importance of consistency and clear expectations in our lives . Do you get frustrated when things don’t go as planned?   Are you a person who has needs more constancy in your life?   I’m sure many of you have some consistency such as waking up at the same time,  leaving your house at a certain time  to go to work or school, and maybe even your choice of music or social media sites you browse daily.  What about being consistent in the way you  treat people in your life?   Do  you treat your spouse or partner or children the same way constantly?  Do you react the same way to your children if and when they act out?  Do the kids or spouse  know what the reaction  will be for a certain action?  Or do you fly off the handle and they see you as unpredictable?   Do you get frustrated when you have people in your lives that are unpredictable and you don’t know what to expect one day from the next?  If so,  that frustration you feel may derive from the unknown and not feeling as if you are able to predict their actions.  We humans love to feel comfortable, and  secure. We achieve those feelings by thinking/ believing  as if we know what to expect next.  Picture yourself walking in a field of grass.  As you take one step in front of the other you begin to feel confident in the projected path you have set for yourself;  Then , you step in a hole.  What happens at that time?  You may lose your balance, twist your ankle or leg,  or even fall on your face!!  The reason?  Easy, the ground level & features were  not consistent  throughout the field.  Its nature and it’s not always predictable.  It’s part of the reason major sport teams use artificial turf, so they can control a clean playing field and ensure consistency for both teams.

That same need for consistency  applies to the relationships we are a part of.  When we feel comfortable and feel we know the reaction we will receive from others we are more willing to share information with that person.  We all know the person that will share anything we tell them with  whole town as soon as they leave our side!!   Well if you don’t know that person; then maybe you are that person for others…  We are careful what we tell them because we may  not be sure who they will tell and their response may not be consistent  or meet our expectations.  The good news is, we can control how we react toward others and how we interact with others.  We can bring consistency to our interactions.

I challenge you to find more consistency and balance in life.  This can start by creating clear written rules for the home   Not unwritten rules as we all have those.  (You know, don’t stick a fork in the 110 outlets)  That is an unwritten rule in most homes. ( At least I hope)   What I mean is you need to  write down the rules where everyone can see the rule and expectations for life  in your home.  Some examples are no yelling, be kind to others, respect everyone, listen to whomever is speaking with respect, no hitting,  and others  that may fit your home and family.  We also need to ensure everyone knows the expected reactions and courses of actions should  they break a rule.  Such as hitting will lead to being in your room, writing a sorry  letter and so on.  Doing this ensures everyone knows  all the expectations and this create constancy in the home.

Now the funny thing about rules is that we  adults we need to hold ourselves to the same standards we are asking everyone else.   For example if you have a no yelling or hitting rule and you hit and yell at your kids when they break a rule that not showing them consistency. That’s not what we are trying to accomplish here.   If you don’t allow for free thought and expression,  then complain others in your life don take the initiative to do certain things; then you are not being consistent or congruent in your rules and expectations.   If you expect your spouse or kids to complete a task a certain way and you have not showed them how you like it done, you  might get your feelings hurt.   If you allow your kids to help themselves  without asking permission to the ice cream and cookies then the next day get upset when they do it again that’s not being consistent.  Bottom line is we need to ensure our expectations are clear and they are understood.   It may be harder  and a lot of work to ensure we have clear expectation and consistency and in the short term;  however in the  long run we will have less conflict and misunderstanding with those in our lives.   So before  you get upset with someone, I challenge you to ask yourself “ Have I told them what I am expecting from them?  I will be consistent and write again tomorrow.

Let me know how you feel about what I wrote.   Thanks